There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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