i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize