Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
