Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
