This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
false alarm, still single
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
