My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
