I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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