Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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