I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
