My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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