last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
