i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
