You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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