my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
