explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
