She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
