go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
