we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
