If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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