Where did you get a picture of my penis
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
