he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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