i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
