I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
