Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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