Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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