I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
