This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i believe in u and ur pee
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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