Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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