and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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