so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
