come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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