Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
