I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
