Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
