i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
