All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
