I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
