I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
