So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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