Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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