I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
