When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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