Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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