i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I stole a fireplace last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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