You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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