Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
