did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
