Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
