the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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