He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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