Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So vagazzling was a success
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
