Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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