I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize