I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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