I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
