I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
