How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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