how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
