You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
