so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know her cup size but not her name....
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