you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
