I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
