Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need moral support for this bender
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize