I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Houston, we have a blender
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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