If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
tell me about the fingering
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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