Jerry, you need to find god
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize