Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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