hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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