These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
