yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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