just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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