he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize