I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
