Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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